The power went out tonight for about an hour. We had just finished dinner. Coffee had been brewed and my girls were sitting down to enjoy a show.
That really is the way it works right?
Flashlights and a few candles came out. The rain was still falling and the patter of the rain drops on the windows and roof seemed to get louder with the candlelight. I cannot tell you how insanely wonderful it was. The light from the candles flickered on the walls and my girls had this innocent imaginative look about them.
Without any warning, Baby A said “Momma, let’s tell scary stories!”
Oh this can be bad. But it is okay. I am equipped with coffee. And Zarbee’s melatonin should I need it.
So of course we get all of the pillows off my bed and our cozy blankets and make a fortress in the living room. We sit around in a weird little circle and Sophie begins.
“Once upon a time there was a girl” she began. But Chloe, cannot have this beginning.
“Start over Soph, they all start that way” she said. I am shaking my head right now.
“Okay, how about this? Yesterday there was this girl. And she ate so much cheese she exploded. The end.” She was proud.
We talked about dresses and shoes after that.
After they went to bed, I obviously could not get on my computer. Sadly, without electricity it does not work. So I sat and finished my semi-warm cup of coffee and thought about how much my girls have grown. How difficult the IVF process was for me- more emotionally than physically. But how much harder it is to see them become so independent of me. At the same time it made me proud also. I raised them. I nurtured their very vivid imaginations and personalities. And I love their stories and their daydreams.
I have no idea how long I sat on my couch with nothing but a candle and an empty cup of coffee. I could have taken out a pen and paper. But this was so rare I took it for every second I could. The only sound was the rain and the wind. Completely quiet with only my erratic thoughts of what was going to come next. By the time I pictured them at their weddings, the power had come back on. Which was great for me because I always get a little weepy when I think of that.
What I could not deal with was all the noise. The lights even, hum. There was so many sounds, beeps from the router resetting. Clocks beeping their current needs to be corrected and updated. The fridge clicking on and a quiet hum that seems somehow so much louder. I felt like the house suddenly woke up. And all I wanted to do was make it go back to sleep. I was suddenly distracted by everything and all of it. I wanted to flip the power switch and make it all stop.
The funny part of the entire thing was I felt peaceful when my house was being run by candlelight. I wonder if that is how people felt before electricity. Did they feel peaceful? Not rushed? That they could stop their day when the day was meant to end?
I wish I could do that but the lure of the lights is so addictive. It draws you in and calls to you. All you want to do is reach for the light in the dark but never once savoring the peace the dark has to offer.
I wish my power would go out more.